Guys, maybe it would be better if you looked at another page! Don’t feel too bad about it, after all most of my readers are women. And I’ll get around to putting up some funny stuff about women soon. Hang around.

But it is a good laugh!

Well, maybe and maybe not. I think it’s a bit like cooking. Cooking is mostly done by women. But there’s some men who cook brilliantly. I cook.

And some of the worlds best chefs are men.

“Men make terrible gift givers” is a stereotype, but like most stereotypes, there’s some truth in it.

But there’s still many men who are wonderful gift givers.

I just found a wonderful article about men as gift givers. It plays on the stereotype, but as I say, there’s always some truth in it.

Here’s an excerpt:“When it comes to giving presents, most men are not gifted. They’re hardwired to bring home the bacon, not a silk nightie.

Men are more like cats that bring you a dead bird and drop it on the kitchen floor for you to admire.”

The article is called The Art Of Giving and is from The Australian, a newspaper from Australia obviously. It’s well worth a read, just for a laugh at men.

Of course many of my readers are men too. Men give gifts to men. So my apologies to any men who are offended by the stereotype, I’m sure you’re not one of those counted amongst the terrible gift givers.

And why not read some of my articles about birthday gifts for men while you’re here?Â

Gift Buying Rules For Men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:

When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips….

Rule #6:

Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. I’m told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8:

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, ParrLumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.(NAPA Auto Parts and Sear’s Clearance Centers are also excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)

Rule #11:

Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

Rule #12:

Tickets to a Seahawks game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.” Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:

Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:

It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:

Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope. No one knows why.

Hope you enjoyed it like I did. I found it a little light relief from looking at dozens of [tag-tec]mens gifts ideas[/tag-tec].

And if you’re wondering what to buy him for Christmas this year have a look at some of my Christmas gifts ideas. 

As a male I have to confess to some truth in these. I’m not going to go so far as to say which one, after all my wife reads this too, but there is a grain of truth in many.

Read and enjoy. Which one applies to your man?

UNDERSTANDING MEN

“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

More…

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned
response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.”
Translated: “That girl standing on the corner is a
real babe.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.”
Translated: “The girl selling them on the corner
was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS – I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Translated: “I have actually severed a limb, but
will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you
just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
Translated: “Oh, please don’t try on one more
outfit, I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.

My thanks to The Romantic for that one. There’s some great stuff there, including some ultra serious stuff, like books to help you improve your relationship and sex life. A website by Michael Webb, well known US relationships author. That last link takes you to his website promoting his excellent relationships book “1000 Questions”. If you want to read more jokes click here.

And you might like to read some of my suggestions for sexy gifts for men

I’m quite happy to have a laugh at men, despite being a man. I/we are big enough to take it. And lets face it, a good laugh makes the world go round.

So here’s something to laugh at about men.

How To Make Women Happy…
The Point System
(advice according to women)

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
In the snow (+8)
But return with beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron (+10)
It’s her pet (-10)

Social Engagements At a Party:
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)

A Night Out With the Boys:
Go with a pal (-5)
The pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate that reads GR8 N BED (-15)

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called DeathCop 9 (-3)
Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

Your Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-800)

Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+100)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)

The Big Question: She asks, “Do I look fat?”
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response (-20)

My thanks go to TheRomantic for that, I laughed till I cried.